How
to Build Self Esteem (A Guide to Realize Your Hidden Power) PART I
Self-esteem is a driving force behind our
confidence, how we see and feel about ourselves, and encompasses our sense of
value, significance, and self-worth.
Research has shown that over 80% of people
struggle with varying levels of low self-esteem. Yet, having a solid sense of
self-esteem has the chance to positively impact and powerfully transform every
area of your life – from your relationships to your career, from your health
and well-being, to your fulfillment and levels of success.
A deep feeling of self-esteem is something
that needs to grow and be nurtured over time. In this article I will show you
the things you can do right now to improve your self esteem. Then, you will
realize your hidden potential and your self worth.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1.
What is self-esteem
While the dictionary defines it as “confidence in one’s own worth or
abilities; self-respect”, put simply, self-esteem is the overall sense
or feeling you have about your own self-worth or self-value.
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is more
about how you feel about your abilities and will vary from situation to
situation. You can have great self-esteem (feeling good about yourself overall)
but low self-confidence about a particular situation or event (e.g. public
speaking). Or, maybe you’ve got great self-confidence in an area (e.g. a sport
that you play) but low self-esteem overall.
A strong and solid sense of self-esteem comes
from deep within. From a belief in your importance, your value and your
worthiness.
2.
Where does low self-esteem come from
Low self-esteem can stem from many areas. It is largely influenced by
how other people seeand treat us, and our
relationships, which is why the influence of our parents has the most
significant impact on our self-esteem.
- An unhappy childhood – Those who grew
up with critical, abusive or neglectful parents are more likely to face
challenges with their own self-worth; while those who experienced
acceptance, approval and affection are more likely to have a higher sense
of self-value.
- Traumatic experiences – Lower levels of
self-esteem can also stem from bad experiences or traumatic events, such
as something someone said to you or something someone did. Essentially, it
can stem from anything that has brought up feelings of shame, guilt or
lack of worth.
- Experiences of failure – For some, lower
self-esteem is connected to their success and accomplishments or lack
thereof – including experiences of failure, not achieving goals or
expectations.
- Negative self-talk – Many ‘cases’ of
low self-esteem are perpetuated by negative self-talk. This could be a story
that you have created yourself or that someone else created for you long
ago that you continue to believe.
Maybe for you, like for many others, low
self-esteem is rooted in your feelings about your appearance or body image.
It’s not just about how you look, it’s about how you feel about
how you look. We are bombarded with messages from an early age about being too
fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too much of anything really, or not enough
of something else.
3.
What happen when you lack self-esteem
Low self-esteem can lead to significant physical and mental health
issues including anxiety, depression, eating disorders and addiction. In fact,
research shows that adolescents who suffered from low self-esteem grew up to
have more physical and mental problems, higher rates of criminal convictions,
lower earnings and challenges with long-term unemployment.
On the flipside, a strong sense of
self-esteem will help you experience greater health and well-being, better
relationships, and higher levels of happiness, fulfillment and success. One
study even correlated higher levels of self-esteem with higher earning
potential.
4.
Assess your own self-esteem
Individuals with low, or compromised self-esteem can see themselves as
inadequate, incompetent and even unlovable. While they often know at a
‘conscious’ level these things aren’t true, they still feel that way deeply
within. That’s what makes challenges with self-esteem so tricky. It’s often not
about the reality of what is, but the perception of what someone feels.
Those with low self-esteem may appear
socially withdrawn or quiet, negative, insecure, indecisive, unhappy or even
angry. They are more likely to find themselves in unhealthy relationships, have
a fear of failure and worry about what others think.
On the flipside, those with high self-esteem,
more often than not, feel a strong sense of self-worth and value, feelings of
confidence and acceptance. They tend to find themselves in healthy
relationships (and ditch the bad ones), take care of themselves, and are more
resilient when faced with setbacks, obstacles and failures. In general, they
tend to stand up more for what they believe in and aren’t afraid to speak their
minds.
Self-esteem can be measured on a scale of
high to low: while too little has its obvious downsides, you can also have too
much of a good thing. Those with an overly strong sense of self-esteem may
appear ‘cocky’, narcissistic and self-important.
This infographic has illustrated the
differences between people with high self-esteem people and people with low
self-esteem:1
Finding the balance of a strong sense self of
self-worth and humility is an important as we go through life.
5.
How to be build self-esteem (a step-by-step guide)
Self-esteem issues essentially are found in the gap between who you
presently ARE and who you think you SHOULD be. Paradoxically, most causes of
low self-esteem stem from how others see or treat you, yet the solution to
increasing your self-esteem is something that needs to come from the inside
out, not from the outside in.
Building your self-esteem is not an easy
task. While I wish I could wave a magic wand for you, what I’ve learned is that
building and nurturing your self-esteem takes time. But, it is a worthwhile
investment. Once you’ve done the work, you’ll reap the many rewards and
benefits for a lifetime.
Below are some great strategies to start your
journey.
A. Get to the root cause, the real issue
Identifying the real, root cause(s) for your
low self-esteem is one of the most important things you can do to build it back
up.
We named many reasons above. Maybe one of
them, in particular, resonated with you? Perhaps your parents said you were
‘never good enough’ or that you wouldn’t amount to anything. I work with
clients all the time who share stories of their parents’ behavior and the
significant impact it has had on their self esteem.
Whatever experiences you may have had, and
whatever the root issue might be for you, I strongly recommend you get someone
to support you through the process to identify and deal with it. Find a
counselor, therapist, coach or someone who is trained in helping uncover and
address these traumas, past experiences and root issues. These folks have
proven tools, tactics and strategies – and best of all, they help you
experiment in a safe space.
While you may be able to do a lot of work on
your own, my experience is that if you don’t address the root cause, that
feeling will creep back in over time. You can’t run away from the truth. You
can’t band-aid over old wounds. You’ve got to get to the source. It won’t’ be
easy, but if you want to build your self-esteem, it needs to be done.
B. See yourself how others see you
See yourself how others see you, and talk to
yourself as others would talk to you. What do I mean by this? Think about the
person who loves you the most in this world. Unconditionally.
Now, take a moment, zoom out, and imagine you
are standing in their shoes and watching through their eyes. Look from their
perspective and see yourself as they see you. What do you notice about
you? What would they say to you? What do they love about
you? What do they see in you?
C. Do your best
“Do your best every day” — My Dad
Simple advice is often the best advice. When
you do your best and place your full effort into each and every day, you start
to feel better about yourself.
Now, your best might change from day to day –
and some days, your best won’t be as good as it was the day before. That’s ok.
It’s important to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with what
you have, right now – at that moment, on that day, in that situation, with that
time frame, your level of skill or knowledge, you name it.
When you know you’ve done your best, you have
no regrets and nothing about which to feel bad or guilty. If you do your best
and then someone criticizes you, it’s easier to brush off when you know you did
the best you can.
I ask my clients (and myself) this question
all the time, whether they’re ruminating over something they’ve said, thinking
about what they could have done better, or just disappointed about an outcome
they had hoped to achieve. Did you do your best? If the answer
is Yes, then there’s nothing more you can do – until next time.
D. Engage in activities that satisfy you
They key word here is satisfy.
Find things that give you a deep sense of satisfaction, a feeling of fullness
and purpose.
Too often we engage in activities or
relationships that leave us feeling self-conscious, empty or terrible about
ourselves. It’s time to put more focus, time and effort to do those things that
feel good for your body, mind and spirit; and to engage in things that make you
feel whole and full.
Identify what satisfies you mentally (e.g.
solving a big problem or creating something new), emotionally (e.g.
hanging out with friends or volunteering), physically (e.g.
exercising, eating right or taking care of your body) and spiritually (e.g.
meditation or going to your place of worship).
When you engage in something that makes you
feel good and even more importantly, makes you feel worthwhile, you
will experience greater self-esteem.
CONTINUES IN PART II
Tracy Kennedy
https://www.lifehack.org/688465/how-to-build-self-esteem?ck_subscriber_id=168781672
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