A
Harvard Psychologist Says This Trait Matters Most: 10 Ways to Make a Great
First Impression
Amy Cuddy says people answer one question when they first meet you
-- and that answer lays the foundation for a business relationship.
Say you meet a new potential customer, a potential employer, or anyone with whom you
want to establish a business relationship.
Which matters more:
·
Showing that you're skilled, experienced, and capable, or
·
Showing that you're trustworthy and likable?
Many people assume that skill, expertise,
experience, and competence matter most. After all, if you're going to hire me
or do business with me, you need to know I have the talent to come through,
right? It's natural to assume you should establish your credentials as quickly
as possible.
Natural, but wrong.
According to Amy Cuddy, how people initially
judge you has little to do with whether you seem skilled or competent. Instead,
people subconsciously ask themselves one question when they first meet you:
"Can I trust you?"
According to Cuddy,
trustworthiness (meaning warmth and likability) is everything. "From an
evolutionary perspective," she writes in her book Presence, "it is
more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust."
Her research shows that.
Of course natural likability can also quickly
lose its impact, especially when there's no substance beneath the surface glow.
That's where talent comes in: Once you've shown you're trustworthy, then you
can prove you're talented.
In short, whip out your CV too soon and you
may be wasting your time -- first you need to show that you're someone who can
build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way)
the people around you, and make people feel better about themselves.
Those are the
kind of people we all like to be around, and want to be more like.
So how do you do that? How do you come across
as more likable and trustworthy -- in a genuine and authentic way?
1. Listen a lot more than you talk.
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile.
Frown. Nod. Respond -- not so much verbally, but nonverbally. That's all it
takes to show the other person he or she is important.
Then when you do speak, don't offer advice
unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice
does, because when you offer advice, in most cases, you make the conversation
about you.
Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I
would do ..." about: you or the other person?
Only speak when you have something important
to say -- and always define important as what matters to the other person, not
to you.
2. Shift the spotlight to others.
No one receives enough praise. No one. So
start by telling people what they did well.
Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?
Shame on you -- it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you
care enough to pay attention to what they do.
And then they'll feel a little more
accomplished and a lot more important, and they'll love you for making them
feel that way.
3. Never practice selective hearing.
Some people -- I guarantee you know people
like this -- are incapable of hearing anything said by someone they feel is
somehow beneath them.
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular
falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one
actually listening.
People who make a great first impression
listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position
or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common
with them.
Because we do. We're all human.
4. Put your stuff away.
Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your
monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
You can never connect with others if you're
busy connecting with your stuff, too.
Give the gift of your full attention. That's
a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you
and remember you.
5. Give before you receive -- and assume you will never receive.
Never think about what you can get. Focus on
what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and
relationship.
Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on
what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who
really matters is you.
6. Don't act self-important ...
The only people who are impressed by your
stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious,
self-important people.
The rest of us aren't impressed. We're
irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
And we hate when you walk in the room.
7. ... Because you realize other people are more important.
You already
know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your
perspectives and points of view.
All that isn't important because it's already
yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.
But you don't know what other people know,
and everyone, no matter who he or she is, knows things you don't know.
That makes other people a lot more important
than you -- because you can learn from them.
8. Choose your words.
The words you use impact the attitude of
others.
For example,
you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to
go meet with other people. You don't have to create a
presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff
with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to
work out and improve your health and fitness.
You
don't have to interview job candidates; you get to
select a great person to join your team.
We all want to associate with happy,
enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel
better about themselves -- and make you feel better about yourself, too.
9. Don't discuss the failings of others ...
Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip.
We all like hearing a little dirt.
The problem is, we don't necessarily like --
and we definitely don't respect -- the people who dish that dirt.
Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the
people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.
10. ... But readily admit your own failings.
Incredibly successful people are often
assumed to have charisma simply because they're successful. Their success seems
to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.
The key word
is seem.
You don't have to be incredibly successful to
make a great first impression. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful
people have all the charisma of a rock.
But you do have to be incredibly genuine to
be remarkably charismatic.
Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your
mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.
While you should never laugh at other people,
you should always laugh at yourself.
People won't laugh at you. People will laugh
with you.
They'll like you better for it -- and they'll
want to be around you a lot more.
BY JEFF
HADEN
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/harvard-psychologist-says-this-trait-matters-most-10-ways-to-make-a-great-first-.html?cid=em01016week24a
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