5 Words And Phrases That Can Transform Your Work Life
A Stanford design
and engineering professor says making simple changes to the words and phrases
we use can empower us to achieve our goals.
Reporting for this story
took a different turn from the beginning.
Usually when I reach out to experts I get enthusiastic replies.
But that was not the case when I emailed Professor Bernard Roth, academic director and cofounder of Stanford University's
d.school. He said he would
"not help" me on a story I wanted to write about some excellent
achievement habits he has refined and taught for several decades, which he’s
recently collected in a book called The Achievement Habit.
Roth wasn’t being rude
or difficult, however. He was making a point to illustrate one of the
principles he talks about in his book: how swapping simple words and phrases we
are used to saying multiple times a day can reprogram the way we think about
and view perceived obstacles that stand in the way of personal success.
"I am prepared to
assist (NOT HELP) you in any way I can," Roth wrote to me.
Roth might seem like an unlikely person to write a book about
personal growth and the way language choices affect it. After all, he’s not a
psychologist, nor a linguist. His background is in mechanical engineering and
design. Yet after attending an Esalen Institute retreat with other Stanford faculty in the mid-1960s, Roth became
fascinated with human potential movement therapies. He soon applied his
engineering and design principles to them to create his own content and formats
of the therapy that better fit classroom and professional training situations.
"Over the years I
kept slowly modifying the exercises and creating new versions based on what
worked best with my students and workshop participants," Roth says.
"The book presents the material that has stood the test of time over
several generations."
One of his most
prominent tips is word swapping. "Unfortunately, everyday speech is rife
with disempowering language," Roth says. "Even more harmful is how we
use reasons to let ourselves maintain dysfunctional behaviors. The use of
reasons to hide excuses makes positive behavioral changes very unlikely."
The good news, Roth has
found, is that by swapping simple words and phrases for others we can
quickly—and permanently—produce positive behavioral changes. "People see
the benefits immediately," says Roth. "We do an exercise in class and
almost everybody glimpses how defective their habitual speech patterns are.
Then they use what they have learned for a week outside of class. Almost
everybody comes back with amazing stories of how much better their lives have
become."
Here are five of the top
words and phrases Roth recommends we swap out to get past the mental hurdles
our everyday vocabulary choices put in our way.
"But" is
probably the most limiting word in our vocabulary, Roth says in his book.
"We often use ‘but’ in place of ‘and’," writes Roth. "This
substitution is so common that it sounds correct. Unfortunately it often has
the effect of changing a neutral statement into a negative one."
Roth gives the example of someone who is afraid of flying and has
just gotten an amazing internship on the other side of the country. When
deciding if they can take the internship they’ll examine the situation by
saying, "I want this internship, but I’m afraid of
flying."
Roth says that their
phrasing doesn’t represent the reality of the situation. The person both wants
the internship and is also afraid of flying. The two aren’t connected. However,
by mentally phrasing the situation by connecting the two truths with a
"but," the person is tricking themselves into believing that their
amazing opportunity is a in fact a negative situation. The resulting conflict
blocks them from moving forwards. That’s easy to change, however: Simply swap
"but" for "and".
"The use of ‘but’
closes off the conversation space, while ‘and’ opens it up," Roth writes.
"When you open up the dialogue with ‘and I’m afraid of flying,’ your brain
gets to consider how it can deal with both parts of the sentence. Maybe you’ll
see a therapist about it. Maybe you’ll practice meditation." No matter
what, you’ll almost certainly find a way to take the internship.
The next phrase to
eliminate as much as possible on Roth’s list is "has/have to." Like
"but," it is a phrase that sets up conflict in our minds.
"Has/have to" also makes us believe that a situation has been forced
upon us instead of willingly chosen by us. This is almost always a fallacy
Needing to complete work
is one of the most common situations in which we say we "have to" do
something. As an example, Roth writes about an engineering student who isn’t
happy he needs to take a certain math course to complete his degree. By saying
to himself that he "has to" take it, he sets the situation up as a
burden in his mind. It’s true that he may not enjoy that particular course, but
Roth says that by simply swapping out "has/have to" with "want
to," his mind will more readily drop his dread of the course, which will
make it seem like less of a burden, and indeed, more of something to look
forward to, because it brings him one step closer to becoming what he wants to
be: an engineer.
"This exercise is
very effective in getting people to realize that what they do in their
lives—even the things they find unpleasant—is in fact what they have
chosen," Roth writes.
Another no-no word for
Roth is "can’t." He says that when we say we "can’t" do
something, that is almost always not actually the case. An example of this is
someone who says they "can’t swim." Phrasing their ability—or lack thereof—to
swim with a "can’t" enforces in their mind that it’s not possible for
them.
This, of course, isn’t
true. Every human being can learn to swim. By simply swapping "can’t"
for "won’t," the person realizes that their inability to currently
swim is a choice on their part, not a physical impossibility.
"The simple change
of ‘can’t’ to ‘won’t’ is often empowering," Roth writes. "‘Can’t’
implies helplessness; ‘won’t’ signifies volition and choice."
Another self-limiting phrase is "I’m afraid to."
"I’m afraid to" is about the most blocking phrase there is. It
acknowledges the person’s fear instead of their desire. By saying to yourself,
"I’m afraid to ask for a raise," you set your mind up to consider
what could go wrong if you do. Will the boss think I’m greedy? If I’m denied it, will it
mean I’m not as good an employee as I think I am?
By simply phrasing your
want as "I’d like to ask for a raise," you are acknowledging your
desire, and desire is usually associated with positive, pleasant thoughts. In
this case, it's what you could do with the extra income—take a vacation; do
that kitchen renovation you’ve been wanting. Pleasant thoughts and the
possibility of pleasant outcomes usually compel us to take action, and we can’t
achieve our goals if we don’t take action.
When Roth emailed me to
tell me he wouldn’t help me with this article, and instead would
"assist" me, he was trying to empower me. The word "help"
is often associated with "helplessness" in our minds. Helplessness
implies someone is incapable of achieving something without someone else
stepping in to do it for them.
In the case of writing
this article, Roth was right to tell me he would assist me. He realized
something that my mind did not, which is that I could almost certainly write
the article without his involvement. After all, I had access to his book and
techniques and could have summarized them in the article without his input. And
even with his involvement, the article couldn’t be written and filed with my
editor without me—I was still a necessary part of the equation.
The point is that when
we use the word "help," we set our minds up to think we are helpless.
However, when we swap "help" with "assist," we set
ourselves up to see that we are an important and capable part of the solution.
MICHAEL GROTHAUS
http://www.fastcompany.com/3057149/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/5-words-and-phrases-that-can-transform-your-work-life?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-daily-newsletter&position=1&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=03022016
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