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I was seeing a
video being passed around on WhatsApp.
It was about a four-year-old girl
vehemently saying NO to going to kindergarten.
Her mother was preparingg her for the next phase of life. But all the girl
kept saying
was NO, and that she didn't want to go to kindergarten.
It was easy for this four-year-old to say no. She felt absolutely no
obligation to anyone.
She was doing what kids do best - say NO.
She was also doing what we adults hesitate to do so often - say NO.
In the girl's case, she was just afraid of a new event in her life. She
wasn't afraid of saying
NO itself. But as
we grow older, there is a fear in the very act of saying
NO.
We fear we will be looked upon negatively, we fear we may lose out on
something that
appears momentarily positive or pleasurable, and we fear not
being 'nice' or generous
enough.
Some of our toughest decisions are those that require us to say NO...a loud,
big,
resounding NO.
A NO to what doesn't work...a NO to something that is a
waste of time...a NO to an
already dead relationship...a
NO to a defunct way of life.
However difficult it may seem, you'll be surprised that saying NO has even
more power
than saying YES. Every time we say NO to something we don't want
or don't believe in,
we are automatically saying YES to something better.
Saying NO frees up your mind, your time and your life.
It's that moment in time when you decide to reclaim
yourself, stand up for what you
believe in, stop
putting your energies where they are not appreciated and finally take
stock
of what works for you.
You heard me right. What works for you, and only YOU. Not to serve someone or
something else. But that which serves you.
The world wants us to be giving of our time, money, and intelligence. It
expects us
not to be rigid or, the much-dreaded label for many,
"selfish".
But the fact is that saying NO can be one of the
most empowering acts for yourself and
for others. Because if you don't have enough time, energy or any other
resource for
yourself, how will you give it to others?
So how do you decide when you should say NO and when you should say YES?
How
do you decide when it's an act of "selfishness" or one of
"self-actualization"
- the realization of the fact that something
is going to add value to your life?
Here are some questions you can ask yourself before you decide to say
NO:
Will it help you in the long run?
A simple way to calculate your
opportunity cost - the cost you pay to do something -
is to question whether it will not just help you today, but in the years to
come.
For example, if you are a diabetic and someone puts a pastry in front
of you,
and tells you "one last piece for friendship's sake",
should you eat it or leave it?
You could say YES, and temporarily please your
friend. But in the long run,
you will slowly be taking away your own good
health and take some years off your life too.
For you: There is no middle ground when saying NO. If you want to
preserve what
you have and for a very long time, get ready to do it at all
times and with everyone.
Will it come in the way of your goals?
You're studying for that important entrance exam. You know you need to give
it all the
time and attention you can. It's imperative you clear and you
clear with good marks.
In comes your younger sister and asks you to take her
for a movie. You know she's
bored and she wants you to give her company, but
you have a
clear goal in front of you.
If
you're feeling bad to tell her NO outright, simply say: "We'll do it
another day,
the movie will run for a while, but I have just one shot at
these exams."
For you: The sooner you focus on your goals, the easier it is to
say NO to anything
that comes in the way, especially temporary diversions or
distractions that only take
you away from its completion.
Does it reflect the common good?
This is really simple but we tend to complicate it. You may think you're
being morally
uptight when you have to decide keeping this in mind, but it
can help prevent a lot of
unpleasant incidents. For instance, if your friend
was too drunk to drive but still insisted
on driving, would you agree to go
along or politely say NO and hail a cab? The former
could make your friend
momentarily bitter, but the latter would be beneficial for your
own life and
you would consciously not be party to endangering the lives of others.
It
would also show your friend how seriously this issue concerns you.
In your
own way, the
stand you takewill serve the larger good.
For you: When you have to say no just for yourself it can get a
little taxing.
But keeping the general well-being of all in mind, can make it
a simpler and
more
impactful decision.
Does it make you feel lighter?
Have you ever felt extremely exhausted by saying YES all the time? Being everywhere
and being everything to everyone is a feeling that can weigh you down
tremendously.
And then you realise that the minute you say NO, your
energy is back, it's like one big
dark cloud has been
lifted off. This normally happens when we are saying YES to what
is not
aligned to our values or beliefs. This also happens when we are neglecting
our
own well-being and purely thinking of the other.
For you: If you get more energy and feel uplifted when you say
NO, you've made the
right decision. Anything you don't need blocks energy for
what you do need...clear the
space, say NO and feel better.
Saying NO is hard for all of us, but it's not impossible. The more you
exercise this option,
the more you'll see your life turnaround, you'll
actually be doing stuff you enjoy and
reaching your goals faster than you
envisioned.
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