The 20s must roar
Your
20s are not just about hooking up & hanging out. Here’s why you’d better
take the ‘defining decade’ seriously
Growing life
expectancy, late marriage and even later parenthood are making modern humans
believe they have a lot more time on hand. The collateral damage, says
University of Virginia clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay, is the tendency to
waste your 20s. Having spent more than 10 years studying 20-somethings, in an
email interview with Mirror, she argues that your first step into adulthood is
not just about hooking up and hanging out. Don’t get her wrong; she’s all for
exploration, as long as it’s productive. What we do, and don’t do, in our 20s
has a far-reaching effect on who we eventually turn out to be, she says in her
book, The Defining Decade.
Here’s her guide for Mirror readers on how to make the most of their 20s.
FIND FRESH PEERS
Best friends are great if you need a ride to the airport, getting pi**ed drunk with, and discovering new getaways in the company of. But if you spend your 20s huddled together with like-minded peers, you limit who you know, what you know, how you think, and where you work. That new job, even that new person to date, almost always comes from outside the inner circle. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbour’s boss is how you get that unposted job. It’s not cheating. It’s the science of how information spreads.
EXPERIMENT WITH RELATIONSHIPS
Increasingly, we are mistaking sex for ‘experimenting with relationships’. It’s just one part of a relationship. What couples fail to do is spend time doing a wider range of activities other than partying and getting physically intimate. What does sex and drinking yourself silly tell you about a longterm relationship? Very little.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR LOVER
Studies reveal that communication is a key factor in relationship longevity. Talk to your partner. Do you share the same goals and values? Do you have the same ideas about the future? Do you want the same things at work and in love? How do you work out disagreements? How do you like to spend a Sunday or a rainy day? Answers to these questions have more to do with how you’ll fare as a couple.
MAKE TIMELINES FOR LIFE
A timeline helps 20-somethings see that, contrary to how it feels when you are 22 or 27, time is limited. There is a lot to do between 20 and 40; cramming everything in between 30 and 40 has its downsides. A timeline creates structure and urgency, but make it in pencil, of course, because revision is important.
COPE WITH A ‘FIRST’ TOUGH JOB
Realise that this job isn’t the end point; it’s the first step. Gone are the days when you stick to a job for life. These are the years to earn career capital. Do something that adds value to who you are in the workplace, an investment in who you’d like to be. Always think one job ahead. If what you’re doing now makes it more likely that you will get the next job you want, then keep gathering that capital and move onto the next job when the time is right.
USE YOUR BRAIN
Current neurobiological research says that the frontal lobe is the last area of the brain to develop. And it does not fully mature until sometime during your 20s. So the decade is the capstone of the brain’s last growth spurt. We become what we see and do every day. Neurons we don’t use can waste away. Now is the time to learn new habits and pick up new skills. It will never be easier to become the person you would like to be.
ANALYSE COMPETITION
Beware of the tendency to ‘compare and despair’, like we do on Facebook. These are what are called ‘upward social comparisons’. Our imperfect lives and nights sitting on the couch feel low compared to the high life everyone else seems to be leading. You have to think critically about what you are seeing and be aware of what you are not seeing. And remember to do some downward social comparisons by reminding yourself that you are better off than a lot of other 20-somethings.
WHY THE 20S MATTER
» 80 per cent of your life’s most defining moments take place by age 35 — that means eight out of 10 decisions, experiences and A-ha! moments that make your » The life what first 10 it is years , occur of by a career then. have an exponential impact on how much money you will ultimately earn. More than half of young adults are married or have met » Personality their future changes partner by more age in 30 your . 20s than at any time before or after — if you » Female engage fertility with adulthood peaks at . age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So, your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and options.
Here’s her guide for Mirror readers on how to make the most of their 20s.
FIND FRESH PEERS
Best friends are great if you need a ride to the airport, getting pi**ed drunk with, and discovering new getaways in the company of. But if you spend your 20s huddled together with like-minded peers, you limit who you know, what you know, how you think, and where you work. That new job, even that new person to date, almost always comes from outside the inner circle. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbour’s boss is how you get that unposted job. It’s not cheating. It’s the science of how information spreads.
EXPERIMENT WITH RELATIONSHIPS
Increasingly, we are mistaking sex for ‘experimenting with relationships’. It’s just one part of a relationship. What couples fail to do is spend time doing a wider range of activities other than partying and getting physically intimate. What does sex and drinking yourself silly tell you about a longterm relationship? Very little.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR LOVER
Studies reveal that communication is a key factor in relationship longevity. Talk to your partner. Do you share the same goals and values? Do you have the same ideas about the future? Do you want the same things at work and in love? How do you work out disagreements? How do you like to spend a Sunday or a rainy day? Answers to these questions have more to do with how you’ll fare as a couple.
MAKE TIMELINES FOR LIFE
A timeline helps 20-somethings see that, contrary to how it feels when you are 22 or 27, time is limited. There is a lot to do between 20 and 40; cramming everything in between 30 and 40 has its downsides. A timeline creates structure and urgency, but make it in pencil, of course, because revision is important.
COPE WITH A ‘FIRST’ TOUGH JOB
Realise that this job isn’t the end point; it’s the first step. Gone are the days when you stick to a job for life. These are the years to earn career capital. Do something that adds value to who you are in the workplace, an investment in who you’d like to be. Always think one job ahead. If what you’re doing now makes it more likely that you will get the next job you want, then keep gathering that capital and move onto the next job when the time is right.
USE YOUR BRAIN
Current neurobiological research says that the frontal lobe is the last area of the brain to develop. And it does not fully mature until sometime during your 20s. So the decade is the capstone of the brain’s last growth spurt. We become what we see and do every day. Neurons we don’t use can waste away. Now is the time to learn new habits and pick up new skills. It will never be easier to become the person you would like to be.
ANALYSE COMPETITION
Beware of the tendency to ‘compare and despair’, like we do on Facebook. These are what are called ‘upward social comparisons’. Our imperfect lives and nights sitting on the couch feel low compared to the high life everyone else seems to be leading. You have to think critically about what you are seeing and be aware of what you are not seeing. And remember to do some downward social comparisons by reminding yourself that you are better off than a lot of other 20-somethings.
WHY THE 20S MATTER
» 80 per cent of your life’s most defining moments take place by age 35 — that means eight out of 10 decisions, experiences and A-ha! moments that make your » The life what first 10 it is years , occur of by a career then. have an exponential impact on how much money you will ultimately earn. More than half of young adults are married or have met » Personality their future changes partner by more age in 30 your . 20s than at any time before or after — if you » Female engage fertility with adulthood peaks at . age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So, your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and options.
Aruna
Rathod MM130313
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