How to Manipulate People to Do What You Want Without
Abandoning Your Ethics
Manipulation is generally a bad
skill to use to get what you want, but sometimes it's justifiable when you have
a noble cause. Perhaps you're trying to get someone to live a healthier
lifestyle or enjoy an activity with you. When other tactics fail you and it's
time to resort to a little manipulative behavior, here are some tricks you can
use to get what you want without being completely abandoning your ethics.
Nobody enjoys being tricked, so you
don't want to use anything you learn in this post for evil purposes. Most of
what we're going to discuss is simply a matter of creating a scenario where
it's more likely that whoever you're trying to manipulate will be happier and
enjoy themselves more. This isn't about simply getting what you want, but
creating a positive experience for the manipulator and the manipulatee. Rather
than dive into many possible situations, we're just going to use one scenario
as an example: getting a friend (or whomever) to join you on an activity and
have a good time. That said, these same tricks can be repurposed for other
situations as well. We just want to keep it simple. All you need to follow are
two steps.
Step
One: Convince Your Friend to Do the Thing They Don't Want to Do
It's nice when you have someone with
whom you can share an activity. The problem is, you may love interpretive
sculpting but will have a hard time selling your friends on the joy it can
provide. Fortunately, most people can come around under the right
circumstances. You probably thought you'd absolutely hate the butt pinching
festival last Spring but, as things turned out, you're going back for the fifth
time with hopes of taking home a blue ribbon. In all seriousness, what we end
up liking is often a matter of circumstance. If you want your friend to partake
in something you enjoy, they'll be more likely to join in under the right
conditions.
nice for another person can get you
to like them more (rather than the other way around): First things first, you have to get your friend to go
with you. Rather than trying to convince them that they'll want to join you, as
that will cause them to naturally come up with counterarguments, ask them to join you as a
favor. As Ben Franklin discovered and David McRaney, of the blog You Are Not So
Smart, highlighted, doing something
[Ben] Franklin set out to turn [a]
hater into a fan, but he wanted to do it without "paying any servile
respect to him." Franklin's reputation as a book collector and library
founder gave him a reputation as a man of discerning literary tastes, so
Franklin sent a letter to the hater asking if he could borrow a selection from
the his library, one which was a "very scarce and curious book." The
rival, flattered, sent it right away. Franklin sent it back a week later with a
thank you note. Mission accomplished.
This works because although we think
that we do nice things for people because we like them, our brains tend to
process things the other way around. The reality is that we tend to like
someone because we did something nice for them. If your friend sees this
activity as a favor, they'll feel better about you than they will if you're
trying to drag them along.
Step
Two: Make Your Friend Have Fun
How can you ensure your friend will
enjoy the activity? You can't, but you can increase the odds. Let's take a look
at a few ways you can do just that.
Handle
Challenges Together
First,
it can help if there's anything remotely challenging about that activity. If
there is, do it with them and it can become a bonding experience. Even if they didn't enjoy
the activity, they'll look back on it fondly, later, because it brought you
both closer together.
Choose a Familiar and Comfortable Environment
It
can help if the activity will surround the person with familiar things and the
kinds of people they like. While we like to believe we're open to new
possibilities and respect the differences in others, we really don't. If you want to get
someone to like something different, it helps if you can make them feel
comfortable in as many other ways as possible.
Boost Your Friend's Mood
Finally, get them in a good mood
beforehand. This may seem difficult, especially if the person in question is an
awful and negative person that you've somehow managed to love, but it's easier
than you think.Tthere are a few simple ways to prime a person's brain to have
the right attitude for a given situation. While there are little things you can
do like reciting a list of positive words, that's kind of a weird thing to do
in the company of others. Instead, you can use your enthusiasm to put them in a
better mindset. Making them laugh is one of the best options, but if you're not
naturally funny and afraid to break out the tickler, frequent smiling can do
the trick. Next time you see someone smile, notice how you're probably smiling
in return. It's hard not to mirror happy expressions because it often happens
without our full awareness. Little things like smiling and humor can go a long
way, even when they're completely unrelated to the given activity.
Reward
Your Friend's Competency with Compliments
And
don't forget the compliments. If the given activity requires your tag-a-long
activity buddy to do or create anything, let them know you think they're doing
a great job once they've finished. People tend to like things more when their efforts are
rewarded in ways that highlight their competence. You don't want to
outright lie, but something like "wow, you're picking this up quicker than
I expected" can make a big difference
in your friend's perception of the activity.
http://lifehacker.com/5869772/how-to-manipulate-people-to-do-what-you-want-without-abandoning-your-ethics
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