PERSONAL SPECIAL...FOR THOSE WHO WORRY TOO MUCH...... How to stop worrying (1)

How to stop worrying

Are you a worrywart?

Did you know that the word worry comes from the Old English wyrgan which meant “to strangle”?

If you’re feeling strangled by worry, read on to find out why we fret and how to loosen that tight knot of worry that’s choking you.

Why do we worry?

Worry is a common experience for people in general, but there are times when it becomes such a big deal that it takes over our lives, eclipsing any experience of joy or contentment.

And there are some people who admit to being constant worrywarts even though they would really like to be more relaxed about life.

So, if worry is so unpleasant, why do we do it?

Researchers have found six “benefits” that people cite for worrying:

1. If I worry about something, I am more likely to actually figure out how to avoid or prevent something bad from happening. 

2. Although it may not actually be true, it feels like if I worry about something, the worrying makes it less likely that something bad will happen. 

3. Worrying about most of the things I worry about is a way to distract myself from worrying about even more emotional things, things that I don’t want to think about. 

4. If I worry about something, when something bad does happen, I’ll be better prepared for it. 

5. Worry helps to motivate me to get things done that I need to get done. 

6. Worrying is an effective way to problem-solve.

So, does worrying really help?

Do any of the six “benefits” above ring true for you?

Let’s look at each of them to see if they really accomplish what they are meant to.

1. If I worry about something, I am more likely to actually figure out how to avoid or prevent something bad from happening.

- and -

2. Although it may not actually be true, it feels like if I worry about something, the worrying makes it less likely that something bad will happen.

I placed the first two together because they are quite similar – they both hope that worry will prevent something bad from happening.

Note how this is different from benefit #6 which deals with problem-solving. These two are more about the worry itself helping you avoid or prevent something bad.

The tricky part of these particular ideas is that they create a self-reinforcing belief – something researchers call the “superstitious reinforcement paradigm.”

This means that you get negatively reinforced for your worry because the things you worry about usually don’t come to pass. So you conclude that worry = bad things not happening.

The problem with your conclusion is that the bad things probably wouldn’t happen if you didn’t worry.

Author Earl Conant says that only 8% of the things we worry about are legitimate, so it’s likely that you really don’t need to worry about 92% of the time.

We chuckle at baseball players who wear the same pair of lucky socks or eat the same meal before every game out of superstition.

But what about you? Are you continuing to worry because of a magical belief that you are preventing something bad from happening?

Maybe you should try lucky socks instead . . .

3. Worrying about most of the things I worry about is a way to distract myself from worrying about even more emotional things, things that I don’t want to think about.

Usually, when presented with something that makes us anxious, our heart rate increases. Worriers, though, when presented with a picture of something they worry about, have no change in cardiovascular response.

So, if you’re a worrier, you may feel reinforced by thinking your worrying must have “prepared” you to not respond physically to something anxiety-inducing.

However, what this really indicates is that you aren’t allowing the whole emotional picture to emerge around whatever it is you’re worried about.

You’re suppressing your fear.

Researchers found that people who worry and avoid their deeper fears are not able to learn from their fears as well as non-worriers.

For example, people who were afraid of public speaking were shown pictures of public speaking events. Non-worriers showed an elevated heart rate when shown the pictures while worriers did not (although they still worried about public speaking.)

However, when compelled to do several public speeches in a row, non-worriers learned that public speaking really wasn’t so scary while worriers still had the same level of anxiety as when they started.

So constantly worrying about something, although it might feel as though you’re controlling something you’re afraid of, really only prevents you from adding “corrective information” to your experience – that is, it doesn’t allow you to learn new information to overcome your fear.

4. If I worry about something, when something bad does happen, I’ll be better prepared for it.

Um, not so much.

As explained above, worry doesn’t allow you to learn how to overcome your fear, a key to being able to bounce back in life.

So, if the thing that you’re worrying about actually happens, you’ll still be anxious and not able to respond as well as possible.

Also, let’s think about this: What kind of life are you experiencing if you are constantly in a state of worry about things that happened in the past (which you have no control over) and things that might (but probably won’t) happen in the future?

What happened to the life that you are living right now? This present moment?

It’s gone in a cloud of worry.

5. Worry helps to motivate me to get things done that I need to get done.

Yes, it does.

Because you want to get rid of the terrible feeling of worry, you finally knuckle down and get the job done.

But why choose to be miserable to accomplish things rather than use any of the numerous positive motivators available to you?

Why not set up a reward system for yourself? When you get a task done, let yourself have that piece of chocolate or the walk with the dog or an hour of reading.

Go for positive reinforcement (receiving something good) rather than negative reinforcement (having something bad stop.)

6. Worrying is an effective way to problem-solve.

Again, not so much.

Here’s what worrying does: It brings up a lot of “what if . . .” questions. This is a good start to problem-solving but then, well, as Borkovec, et. al (1999) put it:

“Beyond this, worry itself does not contribute further to solving problems. One is either worrying, or one is problem solving. These two distinctive processes may alternate sequentially during a worrisome episode but never occur, by definition, at the same time.”

So worrying gets in the way of problem-solving because 
1.) You can’t worry and problem-solve at the same time and, 
2.) Worrying causes anxiety which interferes with your ability to concentrate and think rationally in order to problem-solve effectively.
REFRENCES AND MORE IN PART 2